Facing the Crowd.

Have you ever felt like you're being cheered on to do something that initially you're not sure you really want to? Like ok, sometimes as a kid I'd really want to talk to a girl and I knew that the only one keeping me from going for it is me. Now it didn't always work out. One time a girl found out I knew she liked me and ran like hell. Then I learned she was dating someone whose friends all tried to pick a fight with my friends. Another time I got all worked up to ask a girl out and thought my being sweaty was just nerves. Then I got to the bathroom and started to pee blood. The doctor told me I had kidney stones. All those times though, I had support: My dad. Also, my friends. Now the good thing about my dad was that he always had money. When I was little and got sick, he didn't just bring me a soup and orange juice. He bought home for the whole family, including both of my brothers' homeboy or rocker friends, a large pizza with *everything.* Even anchovies and lemon on the side for me! That guy was cool! The only thing was, no matter if I were sick or not I had to be the one to go outside or upstairs and tell people the food was there. I went outside when I was shivering with a fever. I went upstairs with a broken leg. I yelled for dinner with strep throat. It was my own fault for wanting to make sure those roughnecks all got something to eat. My dad said if I wanted something, I had to go out and get it. All I knew from experience was its better people knew food was there when it was hot or the next day I'd wake up tucked in bed; from the neck down. Try yelling for help with that while having strep throat.


Controversy nothin'. This was my lullaby!

Animal, Fuck Like a Beast by W.A.S.P.
From the self-titled album W.A.S.P. (1984.)
Song courtesy of Capitol Records.
All rights reserved.

Whenever I told the guys that food was there, they all appeared grateful and appreciative. I always got patted on the back or my hair all messed up. Sometimes my brothers even had friends appear that nobody seemed to know. Its like the robber next door smelled pizza and he wanted some too. I swore one time I even saw the Hamburglar at one of our barbecues. My dad was skeptical though. Before someone he didn't know reached for our food he was ready and reaching for his belt. My older brother was quick with it though and explained whomever... that was. Then he went outside to whomever had brought over friends of friends and roughed 'em up like Butt-Head making Beavis settle. One night, someone strange brought a gun into the garage. Next thing I saw, *both* fools got schooled. So my Mom heard the commotion and came out with her frying pan. Then she called everyone's Mama. I swear it looked like a clown car coming out of our garage. Thirty homies running down the street lookin' like Smokey from Friday right before he landed in Deebo's pigeon coop.
All in all, facing fears has never really scared me. I've dealt with girls. Today they can't keep their hands off me. I've stared down Homies at their worst. Now they're head chefs and run their own businesses. I've even survived having to pee when I couldn't move in bed. Now that only happens when I'm hungover. Life isn't so bad if you know what to look for. All it takes is making sure you get yours while showing love to others when keeping a good eye on the hamburglar.

Man, get your crazy hamburger eatin' ass out my way! Get one and get on.

The Hamburglar and his beloved cheeseburger.
Image courtesy of McDonald's corp. All rights reserved.