The Thursday Doldrums.

Today is Thursday. Now, if I were still in a college town, it'd be what I like to call fraternity Friday. See, what that means is that everyone at the university schedules their classes Monday through Thursday. That way by Thursday night its the beginning of a three-day weekend. Until you get out of school though, that whole day is boring! On that day, you ain't never seen nothing sadder than a Chinese student riding his bike to class. When everyone else is whooping and hollering on their way off campus, he looks like he should be singin' a spiritual. If I carried a backpack bigger than I am, I'm sure I'd feel the same way! The only thing worse than that, is putting one of my teenage brothers in a monster truck. Poor Chinese dude's bike never saw it coming. What happened was my brother borrowed someone's truck and got caught up talking to my dad when they came to a crosswalk. This was way before pulling a hollywood stop became popular. Anyways, the Chinese dude had the right of way but almost became a pancake. Luckily he got out of the way but the bike wasn't so lucky. The thing looked like a crushed soda can. There wasn't even a tire left like Chris Rock had in Head of State. My dad started to cuss up a blue streak. He always said every expletive you can think of as one word. "Goddamncocksuckermotherfuckerpieceofdogshit." Try fitting all that on the back of an NFL jersey! So while he was saying that, my brother just looked out the window and casually shouted "sorry, dude!" He even waved a metal sign at the guy. My dad got out, examined the damage and told the guy he'd give him a free haircut at our family barbershop. Now maybe its just me, but I don't think one haircut could ever cover the price of a new bike. Also, I doubt hearing *that* made the Chinese guy stop and dance the funky chicken.

Shoot, theirs ain't the only daddy that could swear!

The legendary Soul Train line dance.
Video courtesy of:
Don Cornelius Productions
Tribune Entertainment
Trifecta Entertainment
All rights reserved.

So ok, the day could be happening. In the afternoon. At night though was when all the fun really got started. First, my brother picked me up from school in that mean machine and all the other kids were blown away. We even had them goin' thinkin' it was ours to keep. At least one little girl slipped me her phone number. Then we got home and all our cousins were already half-stoned playing hacky sack with my brother's rocker friends waiting for us to show up. The rockers were having too much fun growling like Wolfmen scaring all the neighbor kids. It would've been funnier still if it weren't their own cousins from down the street. One kid ran inside, called for his mom and my brother's friend's aunt pulled the teen inside by the ear.
My brother and I looked at each other like a pair of excited little rascals, exclaiming in tandem "oh shit!" We tried listening at the door what was going on but that same bratty cousin turned the hose on us. Then we took off behind a bush and that kid got *himself* scolded. Still rubbing his ear, the teen wolf climbed out a window to meet us. Then all three of us chuckled. The rest of bro's friends snuck up behind to scare us but that nearly got everyone caught! So we ran into my Grandparents' house laughing. They to the back bedroom, me to my toys. Homework could wait.


Same room my swearing daddy had before me. His high school drumsticks even sat in the closet.

"In My Room" by The Beach Boys (1963.)
Music courtesy of Capitol Records. All rights reserved.

Thinking back, maybe Thursdays weren't that bad. I mean this all happened before that night's new episode of The Cosby Show! I had people around who loved me, obviously. I got to witness real-life comedy in the suburbs. It seems like life was good for everybody. Except that poor guy without a bicycle.

If we only had a clue. Movie poster for Airheads. (1994.)

Image courtesy of:
Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation.
Island World.
Robert Simonds Productions.