The Problems With Phonecalls.

Have you ever got a phone call that you weren't expecting at a time when you were right in the middle of something important? You know you're sitting there watching TNA Impact and the main event just starts then out of nowhere the phone rings! So you get on the phone, talk to the person and they're just yammering your ear off. Tonight I had that happen to me... twice. Now, don't get me wrong I love my friends. Outside my Mom I talk to my friends more than I do my own family. They're some of the most warmhearted and funniest damn people I know. Take the first guy for example. He's a cool dude, amateur athelete from Canada. He's already seen Wrestling tonight. He's just yammering away bullshitting about god knows what. I haven't watched yet so I'm waiting to see what happens. So the convo lags and I'm watching the best moments happen on TV. Just sitting there, getting caught up in the moment silently pantomiming an excited gesture. All of a sudden there's this "hello? yo dude answer me!" Now this shocks me because I'm jolted out of the fun he's already had like what, am I a capuchin monkey to your organ grinder now or something? You gonna dress me as a bellhop and have me beg for loose change? So I says to the person on the other end "I gotta call you back." Next thing you know, five minutes pass by and I get another phone call. Now this time, its a couple calling. She's complaining that another one of her husband's friends that I've barely met but already don't get along with is talking trash about poor people. So I'm like "that sucks but what do you want me to do?" So she starts venting her problems. Now apparently the guy is one of those Asian republicans that still wants to act like he's a cool dude. Kind of like Glen Beck at a sports bar. Or Mark and Brian on the radio talking about rock bands. The problem being is he doesn't have the clout or even remote charm of all celebs mentioned. So I'm like "ok, spill it what did he do now?" It turns out this guy was talking about how poor people pick up donated items and go to soup kitchens like that's a bad thing. I just had to shake my head. Last time I looked, most donated items are put there by people with money that need a tax exempt for their returns. In Hollywood, celebrities go down around the holidays and carve turkeys or feed the homeless from big vats of soup. So I'm like "ok, so why didn't you just tell this guy to go home?" She was like "oh, this was over the phone." I'm like looking around exasperated, about to slap my forehead then ask "and you stayed on the phone with him?!" Personally I'd have been to someone that thick headed like "I'll tell you what..." and simply hang up the phone. That's how I roll. You mess with me when I like something and you don't? I don't have to hear it. Oh sure you could go ahead mentioning something dicey that's upsetting to most people but then I might hammer the topic with twenty seemingly different topics that I could tie up in a simple reference to a classic sitcom. Anyways, so we talk for a minute and then her husband gets on the phone.


"Please Pookie, don't rap."

Marlon Wayans on TV's The Wayans Bros.
Video courtesy of Warner Brothers Domestic Television Distribution.
All rights reserved.

Now this is my best friend so I'm not too upset. He just loves to party though. He's like a Scooby-Doo. A big, clumsy great dane of a man who lumbers around like a linebacker but talks like the love child of Tommy Chong and Flava Flav. He'll say something is "far out" initially but then instead of saying Flav's trademark "yeah boyyyyy", end the sentence or reply to what you've said with "yeah maaaan" or simply just "maaaan" instead. He's a trip but you gotta love him. So we get on a roll talking about everything under the sun and the guy gives people too much credit. He'll pause for a moment and be like "Kato's got boobs." I'm laughing at this and ask "what?" So he repeats it. "Kato's got boobs." I'm like "what Kato where?" He's like "in The Green Hornet." I'm like "uh sorry man but that's a dude." Then he's like "no dude, in the comic book." I'm like "wait, there's a comic now? Must've missed that one." So he kinda stops there and asks me to bear with him for a second. Apparently, before the movie there was a newer comic book released sometime earlier where Kato was female. How *any* of this had any bearing on whatever we and his wife had been talking about earlier is *completely* beyond me. I guess I can see now why he'd have friends like the one on the phone or me for that matter even telling you all this. That just goes to show you what kinda guy he is. He can pick up on a topic anywhere and carry on with it like that's always been there. In an odd way, I find that to be an admirable quality. At least he knows what he's talking about. If any of us don't then I guess we're the ones who aren't that cool.
Inevitably though, I had to tell my good pal I'm tired and that I'm heading to bed. Which is possibly true, shortly after I post this diatribe to my blog and Facebook.
I guess if hindsight is 20/20 as they say then there isn't as much wrong with phonecalls as I thought. The only moral for myself, if there were one to share, would be for one to unplug their phone during the time of their favorite show. That or record it and save to watch for later. Other than that, I love people. It only sucks sometimes that the ones you love don't understand the hidden benefits of letting you know that they're gonna call in advance.


"Bow down, bitches!"

Oliver Platt as Jimmy King in 2000's "Ready To Rumble."

Image courtesy of:

Bel Air Entertainment.
Outlaw Productions.
Tollin/Robbins Productions.
Warner Bros. Pictures.